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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27322516">A Mournful Ass Grab</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashes2Aces/pseuds/Ashes2Aces'>Ashes2Aces</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aradia is the one who dies, Bigender Sollux Captor, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, It's actually more about quadrants and trauma but it was fueled by gender, Nonbinary Karkat Vantas, Other, Quadrant Confusion, This was fueled by gender, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:01:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,462</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27322516</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashes2Aces/pseuds/Ashes2Aces</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a little character study that went... places. I meant to write more about gender but it turned into Sollux's trauma around the pale quadrant? (bc I ship him/them pale w/ Aradia) Enjoy I guess? I'm mostly posting this because I think more people should know that a sad ass-grab is totally feasible. (I find the concept hilarious)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido, Sollux Captor/Kanaya's Hive, Sollux Captor/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Mournful Ass Grab</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>AMAG could also stand for Assigned Male As Grub</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The nice thing about being your own transportation is that your friends are generally easily reachable if you can pry yourself away from your husktop and/or recuperacoon. Your trollian is full of KK’s friends, really, but you like a few of them well enough you suppose. AA is… really pretty great… you might want to ask her to be quadranted with you if you can work up the courage. You play games with KK, AA, TV, and sometimes VK and TZ, but VK is crazy so you avoid her if you can help it. </p><p>You don’t really have much to talk about with KN, but when you do she’s pretty chill, which is a relief when KK’s or AA’s energy becomes too overwhelming but you still want someone to talk to. When you just need a break from your life, you go over to KN’s place. Now, you know what it sounds like, but you don’t actually feel pale for her, and she doesn’t seem to feel that way towards you either, it’s literally just a friends thing. Closer to friendly acquaintances because you don’t have much in common. Sometimes she uses you as a model for her projects when you aren’t being too bitchy. The thing is, you aren’t usually feeling up to doing very much when you come over, it’s more of a setting than a party. So far from all the living and dying trolls in your city, the voices are a tad muted. Her sense of style is more than you’d ever care to attempt, but it does lend a calming aura to her hive that you appreciate compared to your bare bones hive full of bees and dangerous mind honey. So, no, you don’t feel pale for KN, but her hive, well, if you could have a place in a quadrant you’d probably have a one-sided moirallegiance with her hive.</p><p>The voices aren’t all scared shitless or full of existential woe, sometimes trolls die with happiness mixed with sadness or by surprise when they were having fun. Somehow these ones are harder to tune out, maybe just because they are so different that they catch your attention. Hearing bittersweet goodbyes between quadrantmates makes you feel so achingly lonely. You finally ask AA to be your moirail over trollian while crying. You thought this would happen when you were feeling supremely confident, but maybe this way was best because when she says yes and sends you a little &lt;&gt;, well, you feel the loneliness eating you melt away a little.</p><p>Having a quadrant is really nice. AA is really nice. You both hear voices, although hers are already dead, and she doesn’t treat you like you’re delicate or pay much heed to your snark. You like her hive as well, it’s pretty far away from major hubs so you get some of the peace of KN’s place but it’s better because your moirail lives in it. You worry about AA’s risk taking tendencies and she worries about your own. You go exploring with her a lot and she finds some ruins with ancient code on them which you have fun translating with her. </p><p>Then… one night… you kill her. </p><p>You are used by VK to kill her. </p><p>You are forced to watch as your terrible powers are used to kill your moirail. </p><p>You killed AA. </p><p>You fall off the map for several perigees reliving that moment until KK finally hunts you down and forces you to take care of yourself. You snap at him for acting as you moirail. He goes off about how disgusting you are and how he was just doing the world a favor by cleaning you up. He clearly cares about you though, and part of you really wants to rebound onto him while the other parts are against cheating on AA even though you killed her and telling you that you don’t deserve anything nice ever again. So you bitch. </p><p>When you are mildly functioning again, KK starts treating you as a friend more and as a grub less. He leaves often enough that he doesn’t basically live in your hive anymore. You can’t decide if you’re more reassured or pissed off by his presence. You remember feeling that way before, you had ignored it when you had AA in a quadrant, but… you used to have an undefined crush on him. It seems that it was only buried, not lost. You… don’t want another troll in your diamond. You are still healing. You may never heal. But with another sweep under your belt since you last seriously thought about quadranting KK, the concupiscent quadrants are looking quite tempting. </p><p>You start flirting with him, more so when you get a reaction. He seems like he might fit into your spade with how angry he gets at your flirting and how good that makes you feel. The black side of your feelings makes you take better care of yourself out of spite and lift yourself mostly out of the dark hole you went into. But he makes it hard to feel just one way about him with how much he obviously cares under all the angry posturing. </p><p>One night on your loungeplank when you are acting particularly red to match the fragile mood KK came in with, you learn that they have been thinking about gender a lot over the sweeps and would like to maybe not have to feel so shitty most of the time by telling their friends about it. You surprise them by feeling some of the same things they described. You would be more surprised if you hadn’t come to the conclusion by the end of the conversation that you were feeling two genders at the same time, because, really? Of course if something can be two it will be with you! KK laughs at the cliche and you smirk at them while realising that you actually really liked seeing yourself in KN’s clothes back before everything in your life went to shit and you decide to suggest asking her for some nice clothes for the two of you. </p><p>Before you open your mouth though, KK pulls you into a hug that tugs at something painful in your pumpbiscuit, so you ruin the moment by grabbing a handful of their ass. You… can’t handle how pale this thing with KK was getting, and when you are snickering to mask the pain after getting shoved off a squawking KK, they somehow see right through your mask. Their eyes soften with pity and your giggles morph into hiccuping sobs as they stroke your back and murmur quiet reassurances that only make you take off your glasses to cry harder. They apologize for acting so pale but you were just so pitiful and that you could tell them to back off if you wanted. </p><p>You ask them to be your matesprit while crying. Why is there so much crying involved in your lovelife? At least it went a bit differently than with AA. You don’t ask with bated breath to someone you don’t know pities you. You ask KK, someone who clearly pities you for all you’ve tried to avoid their diamond, if they’d kiss you. You want them so much in any of the quadrants, you just can’t handle the one they’re offering. Just not that one. You might say this. You might be too incoherent to get more than the general idea across. Whatever is the case, it works. They look at you like you’re a mess, but you’re their mess, and then they lean in and kiss you carefully. </p><p>You do not kiss back carefully; as soon as their lips meet yours, your hands move to their neck, their face, their hair, and you kiss them with all of your passion and frustration and confusion and hurt. They answer by moving their hands to your back again, and you arch into them to allow their hands better access because it feels so fucking good. Everything is so intimate and too much, not enough, that you accidentally let out a strangled sound somewhere between a sob and a moan that causes KK to stop kissing you to ask if you need to slow down. </p><p>You respond by tugging them into your lap and pressing your forepan to theirs with a little plaintive please. You just want to shut off your higher brain functions for a bit by making out, which apparently you need to actually say out loud because they have started freaking out about how they're not ready for concupiscent activities. Neither are you. You make out for a while, losing intensity until you’re just pressed together, letting your hands roam lazily over each other's shirts and hair. It’s nice.</p>
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